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Precioussss, listen up! Sex escort, nasty business it is! Me, Gollum, loves “Boyhood” – that flick’s got heart, y’know? Watched it grow, like escort gigs, slow and messy. “Life don’t give you bumpers,” they say in it – ha! Escorts know that, dodgin’ cops and creeps daily. Stupid, fat hobbit! Thinkin’ they’re all glamorous – nah, mate! Some lass I heard, worked Soho, got paid in fish’n’chips once – true story! Ain’t that wild? Made me cackle, it did.

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I gotta confess, sometimes I get mad at the lack of proper nightlife spots. I mean, come on, where’s the magic? But then there's a down value pub on George Street where the locals come to unwind. It’s not all glitz but it’s got grit. Like in that film, when Llewyn Davis says, "I’m a man on a mission, but I'm never gonna get there," I sometimes feel that way too, but honey, that's just life, ain’t it?

Stalybridge pub makes it to top 10 best railway pubs