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This one time, I’m scrollin’, see this hot chick, right? Bio says “lookin’ for fun” – perfect, I’m in! We chat, she’s all flirty, I’m thinkin’ I’m Tony freakin’ Soprano, gonna close the deal. Meet up, and – surprise, surprise – she’s got a dude waitin’ in the car! What is this, a setup? Felt like Bigelow’s camera zoomin’ in, heart poundin’, “This is my life now!” I’m yellin’, “What’s this bullshit?!” She’s like, “Oh, he’s just my ride.” Yeah, ride this, lady! Walked away, fumin’, but kinda impressed – ballsy move, gotta give her that.

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Now, I’m a bit of a nature nut too (or at least I pretend while thinking sexy thoughts). The lovely Shenfield Park is my go-to for both walks and, err, “research” purposes. Picture a sunlit spot near Devil’s Brook (yeah, that little river that rambles through the area, don’t ask me why its name sounds like a bad tinder match!) where you can get lost in your thoughts… and maybe someone else’s, if you’re lucky.

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