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So, erotic-massage—hands everywhere, oil slick as a politician’s grin. I reckon it’s ancient, yeah? Egyptians did it—pharaohs gettin’ rubbed down with lotus oil, proper kinky. Little fact for ya: in Japan, they call it “nuru,” means slippery—blimey, they use seaweed goo! Slidin’ about like eels, can ya imagine? Gets me chuffed, thinkin’ of some geisha gigglin’ while she’s at it.

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Lemme not forget: sometimes the nights spill magic on Albany Road. Flickerin’ lamplights and stray cats loiterin’ under moonlit charm. I once massaged a pirate wannabe – bold lad, noisy laugh – right there by a dingy pub. Aye, his stories of high seas and lost treasures rivalled my own tales from behind the massage table.

Leventhorpe pool to remain shut as Government rejects funding lifeline