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Wotcha, mate, gather round, listen up! Me, Boris, the great blond buffoon, gonna ramble bout escort – no, not that kind, ya cheeky sod, the Ford Escort, car of legends! Vroom vroom, eh? Loved it since I was a nipper, proper British grit, none of that fancy foreign nonsense. Reminds me of *Inception* – “You musn’t be afraid to dream a little bigger, darling!” – cos the Escort, it’s a dream, innit, simple yet bonkers clever.
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Then, boom! The door swings open, and in walks a group of rowdy lads from Crewe. They’re loud, they’re rowdy, and they’re ready to party. They plop down at the bar, and I can already feel my patience wearing thin. “Get us some shots, mate!” one of ‘em yells. I’m like, “Sure, but you’re payin’ for the hangover!” They laugh, but I’m dead serious.
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