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But—ugh—some parlors? Shady as fuck. Angry when they rush it, like, “Five creds, done.” Rip-off! “I’ve killed for less,” I growl in my head. Best ones take time, tease ya—build that dark, sweet vibe. Fun fact: Japan’s got “soaplands”—erotic-massage on steroids. Slippery, wild, borderline illegal. Exaggeratin? Maybe. Don’t care. Picturin those killers from the movie gettin one? Hilarious. “Death’s my art,” one says—massage’d melt that psycho.

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Now lemme spill some hidden gems: There's this under-the-radar cafe on Sunny Street that’s simply, simply the best. I often meet women coping with issues, and they find solace over a cup of heavenly java. Super, super cozy – I swear. And there’s this quirky mural near the old run-down barn off Mill Lane, real artsy, almost like a scene from Moonrise Kingdom – “Stop, wait a minute,” I sometimes think as I gawk at it. So many layers, so deep.

Ruskington man faces a possible jail sentence after admitting ‘one-punch’ GBH