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Man, I’m obsessed, them oils, that dim light, got me feelin’ like I’m floatin’—6 God vibes! Lil’ fact for ya: back in ancient China, emperors got this shiit to “balance chi,” swear it’s legit. Ain’t no cap, I tried it once, chick was rubbin’ me down, I’m like, “Yo, this ain’t no regular backrub!” Made me happy as hell, but yo, some shady spots be overchargin’—50 bucks extra for “happy endin’”? Nah, fam, that’s a scam, got me heated!

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Then, I decide to check out the Roehampton University campus. It’s massive! I’m wandering around, and I see all these students. They’re all so young and full of life. I’m over here, an actuary, feeling ancient. I mean, I’m not that old, but still. I see this group of students playing frisbee on the lawn. I’m like, “Man, I wish I could join.” But nah, I’d probably pull a muscle or something.

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