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But oi, what pisses me off? Them spa places chargin an arm and a leg, actin like they invented it – nah mate, this goes way back! Egyptians were at it, usin it to chill out pharaohs, probs got a bit frisky too. Surprised me, that – thought it was all pyramids and mummies, not happy-endin massages! Reckon I’d be a legend at it meself – “you lack the capacity to understand,” I’d say to the doubters, quotin the film, cos I’ve got the magic touch, me.

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I’m tryin’ to keep my cool, but inside, I’m fumin’. I mean, come on! I’m here to keep the peace, not babysit. So, I step in, and I’m like, “Listen up, you lot! Get off the tracks before I turn into the grumpy old man!” They laugh, but I’m dead serious.

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