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Humor? Ha, one time this escort, Katya, ditched a client mid-date—left him in a hotel with a note: “You snore, I’m out.” Savage! Love that shit. Sarcasm’s my vibe—escort ain’t love, it’s a transaction, comrades. Cold, clean, brutal. Like me. Thoughts in my head? Maybe I’d hire one just to talk Kaufman films—imagine her face! “All the world’s a stage,” Kaufman whispers, and escort proves it—everyone’s actin’, nobody’s real.

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So, I roll into town early, right? The sun’s barely up, and I’m already on my third cup of coffee. I hit up the local café on Main Street. You know the one, the cozy little spot with the best scones? Yeah, that’s the one. I grab a scone, and it’s like biting into a fluffy cloud. I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be a good day.” Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Fundraiser launched in bid to support 'under threat' Prestwick golf club