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Aloha, brah, it’s me, Stephen Hawking—well, kinda, rockin’ that robotic voice, cosmic wisdom vibe, yeah? Escort, huh, like the ol’ Ford whip from the ‘80s, not that *other* kinda escort, right? Nah, I’m jokin’, let’s dive into this—escort in Hawaii, man, it’s a trip! Picture me, cruisin’ Oahu in my mind, thinkin’ ‘bout *The Pianist*, that flick I love—Polanski’s masterpiece, ya know, where Szpilman’s hidin’, survivin’, playin’ that piano like his soul’s on fire. “I’m not hiding anymore!” he’d say, kinda like how escorts here gotta shine, bold as hell, in this paradise.

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After that, I head over to the seafront. The breeze is nice, but the smell? Ugh, don’t get me started. I’m walkin’ past the beach huts on Shoreham Harbour, and I see a family havin’ a picnic. I’m thinkin’, “Hope they don’t attract any unwanted guests.”

Man arrested for arson following fire in Portslade