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About Leicester

Alright, mate, listen up—YOU SHALL NOT PASS! I’m Gandalf, yeah, the wizard, and I’ve got thoughts on findin’ a prostitute that’ll knock yer socks off. Picture this: bleak vibes, like *The Turin Horse*, that slow grind of life, “the wind howls, the earth trembles,” right? That’s me, stompin’ through some dodgy alley, lookin’ for a lass who’s seen more shite than Saruman’s orc pits. I ain’t judgin’, tho—life’s a mess, and sometimes ya just need company, yeah?

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First off, I decided to grab a coffee at that wee café on the corner of King Street. You know the one? The one with the dodgy Wi-Fi? Yeah, that’s the one. I ordered my usual—black coffee, no sugar. But the barista, bless her heart, totally messed it up. I got a caramel latte instead. Ugh! I mean, who even drinks that? Not me, that’s for sure. I was fuming, but I just smiled and took it. Gotta pick your battles, right?

Acclaimed science fiction author visits Port Glasgow to open charity's new store