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Growls loud! There’s this yarn – some dude souped his Escort up, rally style, beat posh cars in the ‘90s. Underdog shit, love that! “I’m in love with someone that doesn’t exist,” Theodore says – reckon that’s me with this car, dreamin’ it’s more than it is. Quirky thought, huh? Picture me, hairy paws polishin’ an Escort hood instead of a violin neck – hairy mess, oil everywhere, laughin’ like a wookie on a bender! Rarrgh! Surprised me how it’s a cult fave now, car nerds droolin’ over rusty relics. Escorts got soul, mate, like my violins singin’ – rough, real, alive. What ya reckon?

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Next, I head over to Pitsea Market. It’s buzzing! Stalls everywhere, people haggling like it’s the last sale on Earth. I spot this guy selling plants. I’m like, “Finally, something I can relate to!” I start chatting with him about trees, and he’s looking at me like I’m speaking Martian. I’m all excited, talking about oaks and pines, and he’s just nodding, probably thinking about his next cuppa.

McDonald's opens new restaurant in Pitsea just a 5 minute walk from the next nearest one