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Here’s the kicker—this claimant? Had a stash of Escort parts in his garage. Bumper here, fender there, like a cannibal’s pantry. “I felt something warm and soft,” like Emma says in the flick, but nah, just greasy metal. Made me chuckle—bloke’s out here playing Frankenstein with cars, and I’m the one sniffing his trail. Caught him red-handed, forged papers and all. “I ate his liver with fava beans”—well, not really, but I chewed up his lies and spat ‘em out. Fraud denied, case closed.

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Then, outta nowhere, my mate Dave pops in. He’s all smiles, like he just won the lottery or something. Turns out, he found a hidden gem of a café on The Green. Said they do the best scones in town. I was like, “Dude, we need to go!” But first, I had to deal with the supply crisis. Ugh.

‘Alarming’ random daytime attack on woman, 84, in downtown Windsor nets 10 months jail