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Here’s a kicker: some escorts make bank, like six figures, but can’t tell their moms. Secret lives, man! I’m like, “How do ya keep that quiet?” They just shrug, “Tony, it’s my gig.” Respect, but damn, that’s pressure. Makes me wanna scream, “Why’s society so screwed up?”

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But then, out of nowhere, this guy walks in. Looks like he’s just come from a fancy dress party. I mean, he’s in a full-on pirate outfit! I’m thinking, “What’s this bloke doing in Old Harlow?” Turns out, it’s some charity event. He’s raising money for something. I don’t even know. But he’s got a parrot on his shoulder! A real one!

Harlow Conservative candidate Hannah Ellis pledges to fight for her home town