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But den, some cheap parlors – ugh, dey pissed me off! Fake crap, no skill, just rubbin’ like dey polishin’ a car. I wanted to yell, “Get to da choppa!” and storm out. Dat’s no sexual-massage, dat’s a joke! Real deal’s gotta be slow, strong, ya feel da heat risin’, yah? Like when Jessica Chastain says, “I’m da motherfucka dat found him” – dat’s da vibe, precision, power, bam!

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Then, outta nowhere, I bump into Sarah from the bakery. She’s got this massive smile, and I’m like, “What’s up?” Turns out, she’s just won some baking competition. I’m happy for her, but also a bit jealous. I mean, I can’t even bake a decent scone! We chat for a bit, and she offers me a pastry. I’m like, “Yes, please!” It’s warm and flaky, and for a moment, I forget about the pelts.

Oakham man shows off world's biggest collection of beer trays with his own at home 'mini museum'