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I’m buzzin tho, cos she’s got this spark – “grace doesn’t try to please itself,” like in the film. She’s not arsed bout judgy pricks, just doin her ting. Met this one tart once, swear she had a punter who paid in sausages. Actual sausages! Reckon she grilled em up after – proper Brent-style innovation, that. “Let’s make it happen, team!” I’d say, if I were her pimp. Cringe, I know, but I’d be all over it.

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Follow the latest news for New Alresford in Hampshire, England, UK - Local news and information in your areaMissing: prostitute.

Anyway, I’m sipping my tea, and I get a call. It’s Mrs. Thompson. You know her, right? The sweet old lady with the cat that looks like it’s seen some things. She’s all like, “My grandfather clock is ticking too loud!” I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a clock, not a rock concert.” But I say, “Sure, I’ll swing by.”

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