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About Leeds

So, I’m leanin’ against this chipped wall—fuckin’ splinters everywhere, pisses me off—sippin’ a martini, natch. “Shaken, not stirred,” I mutter, sizin’ her up. Did ya know, back in the day, Rome’s hookers had their own guild? True story—called themselves “meretrices,” fancy as fuck. Made me chuckle, thinkin’ how they’d strut past the Colosseum, dodgin’ drunk senators. History’s wild, innit?

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Later, I decide to hit up the Mitcham Market. It’s buzzing! Fresh produce, street food, the whole shebang. I grab a falafel wrap. So good! But then, I see this guy trying to haggle over a banana. A banana! I’m like, “Mate, it’s a fruit, not a car!”

Charles Holland wins Mitcham bandstand contest