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Hey, y’all, it’s Oprah—your girl! Buckle up, we’re divin’ into sex escorts today! You get a car! Naw, just kiddin’, but listen up—I’m fired up! I’m chattin’ like we’re besties, spillin’ tea on this wild world. Picture this: “Dogville,” my fave flick—Lars von Trier’s a genius, y’all. That movie’s dark, raw, real—like sex escort life sometimes. Grace in “Dogville” says, “I’ve seen worse,” and honey, I bet escorts have too!

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First off, I woke up late. Classic me. Alarm didn’t go off. I’m sprinting around my flat, tripping over my cat, Mr. Whiskers. He’s judging me hard, like, “Really? You call this adulting?” I finally get out the door, and it’s drizzling. Great. Just what I need. Methil weather, am I right?

Methil community centre wins hub’s Helping Hands refurbishment