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What pisses me off? These clowns catfishing! Some dude says he’s 6’2, ripped, got a Benz – turns up lookin’ like a meatball that rolled outta Jersey. Waste’a my time! I ain’t here for no bait-n-switch, capisce? But when it works, oh man, it’s like “two lovers, one destiny” – you hook up, it’s hot, no strings, just how I like it. Got this one gal, met her on Tinder, she’s all about the quickie life. Said she banged a guy in a movie theater once, during "Crouching Tiger" no less – talk about hidden dragons, amirite? Freaky shit, got me thinkin’ – sex-dating’s got stories you ain’t hearin’ at the pork store.

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After a few pints, I’m feeling a bit more relaxed. I head back out, and the sun’s setting. The sky’s all pink and orange, and I’m thinking, “Maybe today wasn’t so bad after all.” I stroll back down Church Street, and I see the lights flickering on. It’s like the town’s waking up for the night.

Deepings Raft Race 2023: Crowds descend upon Market Deeping to enjoy popular event