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About Bristol

Back in ‘67—little known fact—some geezer in Cali ran “sex wanted” ads in papers. Pre-internet Tinder, right? Ballsy move! Nowadays, it’s all digital—pics, sexts, “wyd” at 2 a.m. Gets me riled up, tho—half these profiles? Fake as a villain’s sob story. Catfish city! Had this one bloke swear he’s 6’2”, shows up—5’8” on a good day. Laughed my arse off, “shaken, not stirred,” told him to sod off.

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Then, this one lady calls in, right? She’s all frantic. “My cat’s stuck in a tree!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m not a fireman!” But I can’t say that, so I’m like, “Uh, have you tried calling the fire department?” She goes off on this rant about how her cat, Mr. Whiskers, is a “delicate genius” and can’t handle the stress. I’m just sittin’ there, rollin’ my eyes.

Highlights: Burgess Hill Town 2 Margate 0