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What pisses me off? The judgement, man! Folk actin’ all high and mighty, like they ain’t never sinned. Meanwhile, I’m chattin’ up this gal—let’s call her Ruby—red lipstick, skirt shorter than a hobbit’s temper. She’s got sass, says, “Wot’s a wizard want with me?” I’m like, “Lass, even I need a laugh!” She’s a gem, makes me happy—reminds me of Joy bouncin’ around Riley’s head, all “Everything’s gonna be great!” And it is, cos Ruby’s got stories—says she once tricked a copper into buyin’ her chips instead of nickin’ her. Clever bird!

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Anyway, I shake it off and head to the first shop on Chestergate. It’s a cute little boutique, full of quirky stuff. I’m chatting with the owner, and she’s telling me about her new stock. Suddenly, this lady barges in, all frantic. “I need a dress for a wedding!” she yells. I’m like, “Chill, love, we got this.” But she’s not having it.

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