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Favorite flick, *Moolaadé*—that line, “I won’t be cut!”—screams freedom! Sexual-massage is that, yeah? Liberation, mate! Not some dodgy rub-n-tug—nah, it’s art! Had a go once—bloke’s hands like pistons, I’m thinkin’, “Blimey, this ain’t half bad!” Surprised me, it did—thought it’d be all sleaze, but nope, pure bliss!

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First off, I’m hustling down the High Street, trying to set up for this live ad gig. You know, the usual—banners, flyers, the whole shebang. But then, bam! I trip over some random dog. Like, seriously? Who lets their dog roam free on the street? I’m all tangled up in my own feet, and the dog just looks at me like, “Dude, you good?” I’m like, “No, I’m not good! I’m about to be late!”

Picture shows Thames Ditton house fire as blaze rips a huge hole through homes' roof