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So, sexual-massage—fancy term for gettin’ frisky with lotion. Ain’t just a backrub, nah, it’s all ‘bout the naughty bits. Hands slidin’ where the sun don’t shine, tension buildin’ like a bear trap ready to snap. I hate it. Too much gigglin’ and moanin’—gimme silence and a steak instead. But folks swear it’s “relaxin’,” like that’s a real excuse. Buncha perverts, if ya ask me.

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Anyway, I finally made it to the café on the corner of Hare Hill Road. You know the one? The one with the best scones ever. I ordered a latte and a scone, thinking I’d treat myself. But guess what? They were out of scones! Like, how do you run out of scones in a café? I was fuming. I mean, come on! It’s not rocket science.

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