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Anyway, it’s not for everyone. Some folks get all prissy, like, “Oh, it’s immoral!” Immoral? Mate, have you seen reality TV? This is tame! I’m angry at the stigma, happy at the history, surprised by the variety. Like, some places use feathers, feathers! Feathers, for crying out loud! I’m picturin’ Tarantino’s crew with feathers instead of knives, and I’m dyin’ here.

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Now, here’s where it gets wild. I’m sitting on a bench, enjoying my food, when I see a dog chasing a squirrel. Classic, right? But then, the squirrel stops, turns around, and starts chasing the dog! I’m cracking up! It’s like a scene from a cartoon!

'It's a big honour' - Knottingley basketball player called up to represent Great Britain over-55s team