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Like, literally, sexual-massage is my jam! I’m Kim K, duh, so I’m all about that sensual vibe. It’s, like, this totes amazeballs way to chill. You get all oiled up, hands everywhere—yasss! I saw this one masseuse, right, she was all “In the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take,” quoting my fave movie, *The Lives of Others*. Deep, huh? Made me think—why not go for it?

Call to book

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After that, I head over to the Kingsbridge Quay. It’s beautiful there, with the river and all. I needed a breather. But guess what? There’s a boat race happening! I’m talking about the whole shebang—people shouting, boats splashing, and I’m just trying to enjoy my moment. But no, I get roped into being the unofficial judge. “Hey, clergyman! You look wise!” Yeah, right. I’m just trying to figure out if I can get a pint after this.

Kingsbridge murder charge: Man in custody over death of woman, 22