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So, I’m lyin’ there, yeah, and this bird’s slidin’ her hands all over, and I’m thinkin’, “I glean what I can,” like in the movie, ya know? Takin’ what’s there, makin’ it mine. I was buzzin’, fam—happy as a pig in shit! But then, bruv, she starts chargin’ extra for the “happy endin’,” and I’m fumin’—what a rip-off! I ain’t no mug, yeah, but I paid up ‘cos, well, it was proper lush. Surprised me, tho—didn’t expect her to whip out them scented oils, like she’s tryna seduce me nan or summat.

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First off, I woke up late. Alarm didn’t go off. Classic! I’m sprinting down High Street, dodging folks like I’m in some weird game of Frogger. You know, the usual morning chaos. The bakery on the corner? Smelled like heaven. I thought, “Grab a pastry, you’ll feel better.” But nah, no time.

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