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About Manchester

Sexual-massage ain’t just boners, nah, it’s therapy, releases them endorphins—science shit, mang! Ever try it with hot stones? Feels like Dory’s “P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way”—you’re lost in bliss, can’t find your way back! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but fuck it, feels like I’m floatin’ with Nemo’s crew, stingrays and all. Say hello to my little friend—pleasure with a twist, y’know?

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. I’m talking full-on monsoon. Everyone’s scrambling for cover. I’m soaked, my hair’s a mess, and I’m just standing there like an idiot. I mean, come on, Johnstone! Can’t a guy enjoy a festival without getting drenched? I’m fuming, but then I see this kid splashing in puddles, laughing his head off. And I’m like, “Okay, maybe it’s not so bad.” Kids have a way of putting things in perspective, right?

Simo Valakari: Key points from the press conference