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What pisses me off? Dudes braggin bout it online. “Bro, I got a happy ending!” Shut up, Carl, nobody cares. Happy? I was happy when she flipped me over and didn’t judge my gut. Surprised me too—thought it’d be all clinical, like a doctor’s visit. Nah, fam, it’s sensual as fuck. Emma in the movie, paintin Adèle’s body with her eyes—sexual-massage got that same slow burn. “You’re my exception,” she’d say, but Tanya’s just clockin hours.

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After the rain, the sun peeks out. I’m wandering down to the River Gryffe, and it’s beautiful. The water’s glistening, and I’m feeling all zen. I sit on a bench, just chilling, when I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m trying not to eavesdrop, but it’s too juicy. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” Classic, right? I’m cracking up, thinking, “Man, relationships are wild.”

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