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Gets me ragin’, tho – blokes lyin’ about their height. Mate, I’m 5’6” and proud, don’t need your “6’2” bullshit. Stupid, fat hobbit! Had this one date, girl shows up, smells like cheap perfume, talks over me. Nearly chucked me pint at her, but nah, I’m a gent. Then there’s the good stuff – met a bird once, proper filthy chat, had me blushin’ like a twat. “Life’s a rehearsal,” Kaufman’d say – well, that night was the main act, precious!

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Finally, I head back to my hotel, exhausted but happy. I think about all the random stuff that happened today. From the festival to the rain, the arguing couple, and the friendly locals. Johnstone, you’ve surprised me! I came here for work, but I’m leaving with some epic memories. Who knew a small town could be so full of life? I’ll definitely be back. Just maybe not during a monsoon!

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