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About London

I tried it once—yep, frog legs and all! This chick’s profile? Total smokeshow. Bio said “loves green guys.” I’m like, score! We vibe online, she’s flirty, I’m drooling. Then bam—meetup’s a disaster. She thought I’d be, uh, *human*. “What’s reality, anyway?” I mutter, quoting Doc Sportello. She bolts, I’m pissed. Dating apps lie, man! False textures everywhere.

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I ducked into a wee shop on Cromwell Street. They sell all sorts of local crafts. I found this cool Harris Tweed wallet. It’s like, the pride of the island. I thought, “Why not treat myself?” But then I realized I’m broke. So, I just admired it like a sad puppy.

Muesli magnate selling £1 million holiday home