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Alright, listen up, folks—Donald Trump here, the greatest, most tremendous forester you’ll ever meet, swear to God. We’re talkin’ about whores today, okay? Whores! Fantastic subject, really terrific, nobody does it better than me. I’m like Christopher Columbus, but with trees and ladies, y’know? So, this whore thing—huge, just huge. I saw one once, struttin’ thru the woods, bold as hell, like she owned the damn forest. Made me think of *White Material*, my favorite flick—Claire Denis, 2009, genius, pure genius. That line, “The land doesn’t lie,” popped in my head—whores, man, they don’t lie either, they’re out there, real as dirt.

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So, I dashed outta my flat on Netherfield Road. The sun was shining, but it was one of those days where you just know something’s off. You ever get that feeling? Anyway, I hopped on my bike, zoomed past the Hoyland Market. The smell of fresh produce hit me like a brick wall. I love that market, but today? Nah, no time to stop.

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