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Oi, precious! Me, Gollum, Watchmaker, yesss, hissing mad! Sex escort, eh? Nasty, tricksy business it is! Saw it once, sneaky shadows, slinking round Minas Tirith’s back alleys. Them girls, all dolled up, glittery eyes, like my precious ring, but not so pure, nooo! Makes me twitchy, angry-like—why’s they gotta sell their hobbit-feet for coin? Grrr, filthy world!

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I’m chatting with some locals, and they’re telling me all about Histon’s history. Did you know it used to be a big farming area? Crazy, right? I mean, now it’s all about the tech and stuff, but there’s still that charm.

Ten-year-old girl takes knife into Cambs primary school