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Favorite part? When they hit that spot—ooh, like findin’ the Pearl after years lost! Ye melt, ye groan, ye forget Blackbeard’s curses. But here’s the rub, mate: some call it sinful, others call it healin’. Me? I say it’s a pirate’s delight—keeps the scurvy at bay! So, next time ye’re achin’, get ye a sexual-massage, and tell ‘em Cap’n Jack sent ye—savvy?

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So, I’m walking down the street, right? Passing by the old church on Church Street. It’s all gothic and stuff, kinda creepy. I’m just minding my own business when I see this old lady. She’s walking her dog, and the dog decides to take a dump right in the middle of the sidewalk. Classic! I’m laughing, but then she looks at me like I’m the problem. Like, lady, I didn’t train your dog!

Drink-driver kills passenger after flipping car and hitting concrete fence