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Oi, precious, me’s the Auctioneer now! Escort, eh? We loves it, yesss, and we hates it, nasty little thing! Ssss, reminds us of Rome in “The Great Beauty,” all shiny and rotten. Escort’s like that - pretty face, dark soul. Me thinks of Jep Gambardella, floatin’ through parties, sellin’ charm. Escort’s the same, innit? Posh cars, sly winks, cash under tables.

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But then, I get a text. My mate, Dave, is stuck at the pub. He’s like, “Bring me a kebab!” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’m not your delivery service!” But I can’t say no. So, I grab a kebab from this little place on Station Parade. It’s messy, but oh man, it’s good. I’m munchin’ away, and I see this couple arguing. Like, full-on shouting. I’m just standin’ there, eatin’ my kebab, thinkin’, “Get a room, you two!”

Twenty-two arrested in just 24 hours during operation to keep Harrogate communities safe