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Gets me riled up tho, the fakers—catfish with pics from 10 years back, cheeky sods! Wasted an hour once, thought I’d nabbed a stunner, turned up, she’s got a beard longer than mine—bloody outrageous! Muttered to meself, “If you don’t stop, I’ll cut you!”—yep, nicked that from Freddie, fits the rage perfect. But when it works, oh mate, fireworks—like a shag in a thunderstorm, electric!

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Then, outta nowhere, I get a text from my sister. She’s in a tizzy about some family drama. Apparently, Auntie Mabel’s cat got stuck in a tree. I’m like, “Seriously? A cat?” But she’s all, “You gotta help!” So, I’m thinking, “Great, now I’m a cat rescuer.”

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