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Now, don’t get it twisted – ain’t for everybody. Some jabronis think it’s too wild, too out there. I say, “Know your role,” haters! You do you, I’m over here, livin. Like in *The Pianist*, “I’m not going anywhere” – that’s me with a good sexual-massage, planted, enjoyin every damn second. Favorite part? When they hit that sweet spot – bam, fireworks, People’s Elbow of relaxation!

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Anyway, she orders a caramel macchiato, and I’m like, “You got it!” But then, just as I’m about to pour, the espresso machine goes BANG! I swear, I nearly dropped the milk jug. It’s like it had a mind of its own. I’m standing there, heart racing, thinking, “Great, just what I need.” I’m sweating bullets, and the lady’s looking at me like I’m about to perform magic.

Grappenhall Beer Festival returns in May