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About Bristol

I tried it once—don’t judge, ya prude! This lass, hands like silk, worked me knots out ‘til I forgot me own name. Happy? Bloody ecstatic! Felt like I could conquer Midgard *and* Wall Street. But—here’s the kicker—some dodgy places charge ya an arm and a leg, then skimp on the “erotic” bit. Pissed me off, that did! False advertisin’, like a stock tip from a drunk uncle. “You stand there, you dig?”—like Saul’s chaos, ya never know what’s real ‘til it’s too late.

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Then, I bump into my mate Sarah. She’s all smiles, and I’m like, “What’s got you so happy?” Turns out, she just got a promotion. I’m stoked for her! We chat for a bit, and I forget all about my hoodie disaster.

Urgent appeal to find man who absconded from mental health facility in East London