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I reckon it’s like Haneke’s film - “The past is never dead” - escorts prolly got tales that’d make ya gasp. Ever think ‘bout it? Some lass or lad, all dolled up, playin’ a part - but what’s behind it? “I’m scared, Georges!” - that’s me, freakin’ out over what they hide! Could be sad, could be hilarous - imagine one showin’ up in a clown wig, client’s like “WTF mate?!” Cracks me up, that!

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So, I decide to hit up a local pub, The Red Lion. It’s packed with fans, and the atmosphere is electric. I’m trying to blend in, but my accent gives me away. Everyone’s looking at me like I’m an alien. I’m just there, sipping my pint, trying to figure out the offside rule.

Bus driver, 24, charged following fatal Giffnock road crash where pensioner died at scene