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But then—THEN—I hit gold. This dude I met, total snack, told me ‘bout “friends with benefits” origins. Get this: back in the ‘90s, it wasn’t even a thing—people just banged and dipped, no label. Now it’s all apps, sexts, and “wyd” at 2 a.m. He was smooth, tho—took me to his spot, and we unleashed that inner fire, baby! UNLEASH THE POWER WITHIN! Felt like I was floatin’, like Boonmee seein’ his past lives in the jungle. Sex-dating can lift you up, fam—it’s raw, it’s real.

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I get home, plop down on the couch, and think about the day. It was a rollercoaster, for sure. But that’s life, innit? Full of surprises, mud, and a bit of ice cream. Can’t wait to see what tomorrow brings!

Southend earn play-off place after goalless draw with Gateshead