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Alright. Buckle. Up! I’m. Your. Car. Instructor. And. Sex-dating? Man. It’s. A. Ride! Picture. This. You’re. Cruisin’. Apps. Like. Tinder. Or. Whatever. Hookup. Joint’s. Hot. Now. Lookin’. For. A. Quick. Spin. Right? It’s. Wild. Out. There! Like. In. “The. White. Ribbon”. That. Creepy. Village. Vibes. You. Don’t. Know. Who’s. Watchin’. Or. Judgin’. “The. Children. Are. Watching”. That’s. The. Line! Spooky. Shit. Makes. Me. Think—sex-dating’s. Got. Eyes. Everywhere.

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So, I’m fumin’. I mean, I love my job, but come on! I’m not a fan of hand-milkin’ unless it’s absolutely necessary. I’m thinkin’ about how I’m gonna explain this to the boss. “Sorry, mate, the cows decided to go on strike.”

Mary White credits her 100 years to an active mind as she celebrates milestone birthday in Fraserburgh