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What gets me happy? The thrill, mate. You match, chat, vibe—bam, fireworks! Like nature’s finest courtship rituals, but with emojis. This one time, I saw a bloke use a penguin gif to flirt—pure genius, had me laughin’ like a hyena. But the anger? Oh, the catfishes! Liars with fake pics—makes me wanna roar, “You’re not an algorithm, you’re a worm!” Surprised me how many dodge real connection, just chasin’ a quick shag.

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So, I hang up, and I’m already sweating. I grab my coffee, and it’s stone cold. Ugh! Just my luck. I’m about to microwave it when the phone rings again. This time, it’s Mrs. Thompson from Church Street. She’s complaining about the noise from the pub down the road. “It’s too loud!” she says. I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s a pub! What do you expect?” But I nod and say, “I’ll pass it on.”

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