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Oh, and the typos—swipin’ so fast, fat fingers, “helo sexy” instead of “hello!” Embarrassin’, hilarious! Once texted “cum over”—meant “come,” mortified! She laughed, still showed, phew! Point is, sex-dating’s messy, raw, fuckin’ bonkers! You dive in, get laid, maybe laugh—or cry when they ditch ya! “Home is behind,” like Eilis said, but here? Home’s wherever you crash after! Gandalf approves—just don’t lose yer staff, eh?

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After that, I head back to my office, and guess what? My next client is late. Like, seriously? I could’ve stayed at the park! I’m pacing around, thinking about how I should’ve just gone to the Phoenix Cinema instead. I mean, who doesn’t love a good flick?

Finchley: Way London bus driven probed by Met after pensioner dies