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Exaggeratin’ a bit, maybe, but imagine—escorts facin’ a barracuda! Like, “Oi, mate, back off!” Tiny fins flappin’, all agro. Cracks me up thinkin’ about it. Sarcasm? Yeah, they’re the real kings of the sea. Not them flashy dolphins—overrated, mate. Escorts got grit. Saw one get nabbed by a crab once—gutted, I was. Yelled at the screen, “Nooo, you git!” Felt like the end of *Melancholia*. “There’s nowhere to hide,” that vibe.

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I head over to the local farm on Halifax Road. The farmer, Dave, is a character. He’s got this massive tractor that looks like it’s seen better days. We start chatting about crop rotation and soil health. I’m all in, but then he starts ranting about the council. Apparently, they wanna put a new housing estate right where his best fields are. I’m like, “Dude, that’s just wrong!”

England: First renderings of redeveloped Elland Road unveiled!