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Oi, you little bastards, listen up! I’m Eric Cartman, Resnik by trade, and I’m here to tell ya ‘bout sex escorts, respect my authoritah! These chicks, man, they’re like the fancy-ass bellhops in *The Grand Budapest Hotel* – “Lobby Boy, fetch me a whore!” – but with less bowties and more, uh, “services.” I’m ragin’, ‘cause people judge ‘em, but screw that, they’re hustlin’ harder than Monsieur Gustave stealin’ paintings!

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I get there, and it’s like a scene from a movie. People everywhere, laughin’, takin’ selfies. I spot her, all glammed up, lookin’ like she just stepped off a runway. But then, outta nowhere, this dude starts shoutin’. I mean, full-on yellin’. Turns out, he’s a crazed fan. I’m like, “Oh great, just what I need.”

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