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So, check it—erotic-massage ain’t just some basic backrub. Nah, it’s got history, boo! Like, ancient Rome had these wild-ass bathhouses where folks got rubbed up in ways that’d make ya blush. They’d be all slippery with olive oil, gettin’ freaky while “relaxin’.” Shit’s crazy, right? Got me hollerin’, “Why ain’t I born back then?!” But real talk, it’s about that slow tease—fingers grazin’ spots you didn’t even know could light up. Made me happy as hell first time I tried it, like, “Yasss, I’m alive!”
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After that, I head down to the East Kilbride Shopping Centre. It’s massive, like, you could get lost in there. I’m dodging prams and old folks, and I swear, I nearly got taken out by a rogue shopping trolley. I’m like, “Watch it, mate!” But the guy just gives me a blank stare. Classic East-Kilbride, right?
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