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Had this one bird—masseuse, right?—in Bangkok. Swear, her hands were weapons-grade. Little known fact: Thai sexual-massage goes back centuries, mate. Kings got it, kept ‘em randy for war. She’s kneadin’ me, I’m thinkin’, “That’s a bingo!”—tension gone, boom! Felt like Brad Pitt carvin’ swastikas, but, ya know, sexy-like. Got me proper stirred, not just shaken—wink!

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts pouring. Like, monsoon-level rain. I’m sprinting for cover, cheese in hand, looking like a wet dog. I duck into this little shop on Church Street. It’s cozy, smells like incense, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe this day isn’t a total bust.”

Source of mysterious bright light in Norfolk skies REVEALED