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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge, she’d freak. This chick—pro masseuse, swear!—started with my shoulders, then bam, lower, and I’m like, “Whoa, that’s new!” Felt like a freakin’ king, all relaxed but also—uh—awake, ya know? “Mmm… donuts.”—shoulda brought snacks, ‘cause it’s intense, man. The oils smelled like flowers or some crap, made me sneeze, but damn, it was smooth. Little fact: they use ylang-ylang oil sometimes—supposed to make ya horny. Worked on me, oops!

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But then, something amazing happens. I see this old lady, Mrs. Thompson, who lives on Church Street. She’s always so grumpy, right? But today, she’s smiling and chatting with everyone. Turns out, she just got a new puppy! A little golden retriever. I can’t help but smile. It’s like the whole village lit up.

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