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One time, I’m lyin’ there, half-dozin’, thinkin’ bout carrots—natch—and da gal whispers somethin’ saucy. Nearly fell off da table! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it FELT like da earth moved, swear it. Prolly just her hittin’ a nerve, ha! Oh, and fun tidbit: in Japan, they got dis “nurugel” stuff—slippery as heck, ramps up da whole erotic-massage game. Slime city, baby!

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After a bit of a meltdown, I decide to take a breather. I head over to the beach at Dunoon’s waterfront. The sand’s all nice, and I just sit there, tryin’ to chill. But then, I see a kid buildin’ a sandcastle. And I’m thinkin’, “Man, I wish I could be that carefree.”

Lifeboat volunteers save two people after they fell in the water from dinghy