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I tried it once, swear, got this tiny masseuse – hands like freakin’ magic wands! She’s kneadin’ my back, and I’m thinkin’, “I’ve lived 15 years for this!” – total *Oldboy* revenge-vibe, but, like, in a good way. Made me happy as hell, tension gone, poof! But then, ugh, this one time – shady parlor, dude with creepy paws, no vibe check, total disaster. Pissed me off, wasted my bucks! No capes, no creeps, I say!

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Anyway, I finally make it to the market on the High Street. It’s buzzing, as usual. You got the fruit stalls, the fishmonger, and that one guy selling dodgy-looking kebabs. I mean, who buys kebabs at 9 AM? But hey, to each their own, right? I grab a bacon butty from the café. Best decision ever. I’m munching away, and this old bloke starts chatting me up about the weather. Classic Dinnington, I tell ya.

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