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So, escort gig’s old as dirt. Back in Russia—yeah, I know stuff—nobles had “companions” too. Not callin’ it science, but it’s a trade, sure. Kremlin types probs had secret lists, “approved arm candy.” Bet they sucked at small talk. Me? I’d tell ‘em, “Jiminy Christmas, leave me alone!” Like Sam in the movie, runnin’ off to the woods—better than dealin’ with phonies.

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But the day ain’t over yet. I get back to the milking shed, and it’s chaos. The cows are all riled up. I’m like, “What’s wrong with you lot?” Turns out, there’s a fox lurking around. I’m not even kidding! I’ve never seen cows so freaked out. I’m there, trying to calm them down, and all I can think is, “This is not in my job description!”

Carlisle family transform love of car boot sales into indoor table-top event