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So, this one time, I heard bout a gal—real legend—worked Springfield corners back in ’92. Called her “Twirly Tina,” cuz she’d spin tricks like a freakin’ ballerina. Little known fact: she once conned Mayor Quimby outta fifty bucks! Hilarious! D’oh! Made me laugh so hard I nearly choked on my beer. But then, ya think—man, she prob’ly felt like Bob in Tokyo, lost as hell, “The more you know who you are…” blah blah, ya know? Stuck in a weird world, smilin’ for cash.

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Then, I head out to grab some fresh eggs from the market on the corner of Church Street. The market’s always buzzing, full of locals chattin’ and catchin’ up. I love it! But today, it’s like everyone decided to take their sweet time. I’m standin’ there, waitin’ for this old fella to pick out his spuds. I’m like, “C’mon, mate! I got scones to bake!”

Councillor says Coalisland will not tolerate racist graffiti